Top Tips for Parents / Guardians / Support staff Who Suspect Their Child May Be Self-Harming

Finding out, or even suspecting, that your child may be self-harming can be frightening. Many parents worry they will say the wrong thing, make things worse, or not know what to do next.

The first thing to remember is this: your child does not need panic, punishment, or shame. They need calm, safe, practical support.

Self-harm is often a sign that a young person is struggling to cope with emotional distress. It does not always mean they want to die, but it should always be taken seriously.

1. Stay calm and do not react with anger

Your first reaction matters. If your child sees panic, anger, or judgement, they may shut down or hide things from you.

Try to keep your tone calm. You might say:

“I’ve noticed some things that make me worried about you. I’m not angry. I just want to understand what’s going on and how I can support you.”

2. Ask directly

It is okay to ask clear questions. You are not putting the idea in their head by asking.

You can ask:

“Have you been hurting yourself?”
“Are you having thoughts of suicide?”
“Do you feel safe right now?”

These are difficult questions, but they are important ones. Avoid dancing around the topic. Young people often need adults to be brave enough to ask directly.

3. Listen more than you speak

Your role is not to solve everything in the first conversation. Your role is to listen, understand, and help them feel less alone.

Try not to jump straight into advice. Avoid saying things like “why would you do that?” or “you have nothing to be upset about.”

Instead, use simple responses:

“Thank you for telling me.”
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m glad I know now, so we can support you.”

4. Take it seriously, even if you are unsure

If you have found cuts, burns, hidden sharp objects, blood-stained clothing, or your child has become withdrawn, secretive, or emotionally distressed, do not ignore it.

You do not need to prove it before you respond. A concern is enough reason to gently check in.

5. Reduce immediate risk

If your child is at risk of harming themselves, remove access to things they may use to hurt themselves where practical and safe to do so.

This does not need to feel like punishment. It can be explained simply:

“While things feel unsafe, I’m going to help reduce access to things that could hurt you. This is about keeping you safe, not getting you in trouble.”

If your child is in immediate danger, call 000 or attend the nearest emergency department.

6. Do not make it about blame

Parents can understandably feel guilt, fear, or confusion. But in the moment, your child needs support, not an emotional reaction they then feel responsible for.

Try to avoid:

“What have I done wrong?”
“How could you do this to me?”
“You’re just looking for attention.”

Even if your emotions are strong, keep the focus on your child’s safety and support.

7. Get professional help early

Self-harm is not something parents need to manage alone. Speak with a GP, counsellor, psychologist, school wellbeing staff, or a crisis support service.

If your child is already connected with a professional, let that person know what has happened. If they are not connected, make that a priority.

8. Keep checking in

One conversation is not enough. Young people may open up slowly, especially if they feel ashamed or worried about getting in trouble.

Keep the door open:

“You don’t have to tell me everything today, but I want you to know I’m here and I’m going to keep checking in.”

9. Create a safer home environment

Support is not just about crisis response. It is also about the emotional environment around the young person.

A safer home environment includes routine, sleep, connection, reduced conflict where possible, and space for honest conversations. It also means helping your child learn healthier ways to express distress before it becomes too much.

10. Learn what to do before a crisis happens

Many parents say they would help if their child was struggling, but they do not feel confident knowing what to say or do.

The Sunlight Centre Suicide Awareness & Intervention Workshop helps parents, carers, educators, and community members recognise warning signs, have direct conversations about self-harm and suicide, and connect young people to the right support.

You do not need to be a mental health professional to make a difference. You just need the right tools, the right language, and the confidence to act.

To get support with The Sunlight Centre call today on 1300 259 724 and one of our clinicans will be in touch.

To book a Suicide Awareness & Intervention Workshop with The Sunlight Centre, contact us today https://www.sunlightcentre.com.au/contact-us/